Messages Meme

[strange_complex]

Taken from megamole:

Leave a list of characters in your journal that you would love to get a message from. It is your friends list's mission, should they choose to accept it, to write you an in-character "letter" from a character on that list. Then they post their own list in their journal and the process continues!

I'm interpreting 'character' as historical or fictional, because there are too many of both kinds I don't want to have to leave out. And, indeed, some rather bridge the two categories, as you will see.

1. Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus This-that-and-the-other....
2. Leela from Futurama
3. Christopher Chant
4. Alessandro Moreschi
5. Severus Snape
6. Odysseus
7. Reginald Jeeves
8. Marcus Tullius Cicero
9. Georg Frideric Händel
10. Lord Summerisle

(the_lady_lily, I note your tag, but am saving your meme for a day or two while this one runs its course.)

Comments

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

*sigh*

Really, Odysseus, you stretch a girl's patience! As if it isn't enough that it took you and your men a full ten years just to sack some beastly Asian city. Now you're telling me you can't have the courtesy to come straight home afterwards.

I have to warn you: I can't keep on unpicking this shroud forever. People are starting to get suspicious. And besides, some of the suitors who have been arriving recently are really very wealthy. It isn't fair on poor Telemachus to leave him without a father, and if you won't do the job, there are plenty who will.

Please hurry home before I have to think of some way of picking the best option from the men who are actually here.

Penelope.

P.S. Your dinner is in the Hydra.

[mr-flay.livejournal.com]

Pen,

now look! We've been over this. If that meathead Menelaus had just listened to me instead of doing his usual chest-pounding gorilla routine, we'd have been out of there in six months tops. And furhermore, if that little tart Helen had just managed to keep her toga on for more than five minutes, none of this mess would have happened in the first place - between you and me, she didn't look all that kidnapped when we got into the palace... Besides, you think I like being sat in a desert for ten years, brushing sand out of my arsecrack and listening to Achilles bang on and on about what a great shag Patroclus is?

Anyway, I'm on my way home now. I can't wait 'till they get the Charybdis bypass finished, the traffic around here is murder. I had to detour through Hades earlier - now that's a nasty little ghost town...

And what's this about picking the best from the ones that are there? I know it's hard on Telly, but Eumaeus has been helping out around the place, hasn't he? And as for how wealthy these suitors are, I hear they haven't exactly been paying for much since they got to Ithaca and started drinking the place dry.

I'm nearly home, honest. Don't worry about dinner, I got a bite to eat at Aeolus'. Gave me terrible wind, though...
Odysseus.

P.S. If I find "Antinoos woz 'ere" carved on a certain olive tree, I will be most unimpressed...

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Ack, I can't really think of another good in-character reply to this. But you, sir, are a genius! It's the bit about the Charybdis bypass I really like.

Thank you for much easing the woes of my cold...

[mr-flay.livejournal.com]

Gaah! If I'd known you'd wuss out after one go, I wouldn't have held back on jokes regarding learning to dance the Calypso, how Polyphemus couldn't handle his drink, or how these three-piece r'n'b girl bands seem to get everywhere these days, but really sound bloody awful when you listen to the words....

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Ah, apologies, but I'm afraid the nature of the story is that there's far more to say on Odysseus' side than there is on Penelope's. I've pretty much referenced all the major plot points from her point of view already... Plus, cold. And lectures.

Is there seriously some R'n'B trio called the Sirens, then, or something?

[mr-flay.livejournal.com]

No, but Atomic Kitten, Destiny's Child and The Sugababes all have three members and all sound bloody awful. I know r'n'b is stretching it to describe all three, but I was thinking fast...