V-day

[strange_complex]

Here's wishing a happy St. Valentine's day (or, as I personally prefer to think of it, festival of Venus) to one and all of you.

It's apparently become fashionable these days to be cynical about Valentine's day, and talk about commercialisation, and the packaging of complex emotions, and sexism, and the compartmentalisation of something which should be celebrated every day, and so forth, and I do see the merit in a lot of those arguments. But as with any of these things, your own Valentine's day is as good or as bad as you choose to make it, and fundamentally I think it's a good thing for humanity at large if we have a day set aside in our calendar to communally remind ourselves of the value of loving others.

This morning, from a warm seat on the bus, I watched a fresh-faced boy battling through drizzle on his bicycle, with a bunch of flowers clutched against the handle-bars - and that's nice. In the sandwich shop, they'd drawn little hearts on strips of paper, and stuck them along the chiller cabinet shelves - and that's nice. A girl walked along chatting to her friends, holding a lilac heart-shaped balloon - and that's nice. It would be even nicer to see it every day I guess, but the function of festivals is to remind us to foreground things which might otherwise slip our minds in the daily rush of life, and I think it's helpful for us to have Valentine's day for that purpose.

I can't actually participate actively, since I'm a cold-hearted beeyatch, and frankly the idea of being in a real relationship with another actual human being still gives me The Fear. But I see that many of you are bolder and brighter and braver than me, and to all of you who manage to do it successfully, I say hooray, and good for you. So if you have a boy or a girl to kiss today, give 'em a kiss from me. I may not play much myself, but it's fun to cheer from the sidelines.

Comments

[huskyteer.livejournal.com]

I'm as cynical as they come and anything pink makes me puke, but even I felt a little depressed to see four Flist posts in a row whinging about Valentine's day. Ironically, all the allegedly smug and soppy folk seem to be keeping it to themselves.

[davesangel.livejournal.com]

I felt a little depressed to see four Flist posts in a row whinging about Valentine's day. Ironically, all the allegedly smug and soppy folk seem to be keeping it to themselves.

Well said. I know some people complain that Valentine's Day has been commercialised to the extreme (a fair point, but I feel it's just a nice reminder that you should do something special for someone special). However, it's quite interesting to note that any anti-Valentine's posts I've seen on LJ thus far make no reference to commercialisation at all and are just, frankly, bitter. Cynicism is absolutely fine in my book, but not such out-and-out bitterness (ie, "hands up if you hate Valentine's Day"/"Valentine's Day sucks and so do those who celebrate it"/"it's just another day", etc).
I'm in a relationship at the moment, so obviously Valentine's Day has added appeal this year, but even when I haven't been involved with someone whilst Valentine's Day occurs, I haven't begrudged anyone else for celebrating it and don't see why these people do so...

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Hope you have a lovely time with your chap tonight!

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've seen much the same thing on my own flist. It certainly seems to provoke a lot of anxiety, whether people are in a couple or not.

[maviscruet.livejournal.com]

I always consider that Valentines day is a day to prod you - to remind you - not an obligation that must be fullfilled at that time and no other....

Of course - the surprise flower I recived this morning has made me the toast of the office...... and made me smile......

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Aw, that's cool! And yeah - of course there's nothing to anyone being affectionate for the rest of the year, but sometimes it's handy to have a reminder.

[diffrentcolours]

I suspect that if you need prodding and/or reminding, there may be deeper issues with your relationship. Cue a conversation overheard last weekend:

Why do we have to have a meal together on Valentine's Day just because it's Valentine's Day?
Well, when was the last time we had a nice posh meal together?
Last Valentine's Day, that was the last time you asked!

[diffrentcolours]

I normally don't mind Valentine's Day too much, but having a partner who gets actively excited about it is making me really resentful and grouchy about the whole stupid rubbish thing.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Yes, I guess that's a bit of a minefield - differing expectations about how the whole thing should be handled. I hope you're able to reach a happy compromise over it.

[mrkgnao.livejournal.com]

Happy Valentine's Day, lovely one - and a pretty post for a pretty day. I suppose it just depends what you do with the day that makes it icky. I mean, there's nothing worse than sitting uncomfortably opposite the beloved in an over-priced restaurant surrounded by equally self-conscious couples wondering why they can't seem to think of anything to say to each other.

Dan and I will be snuggling up in bed with a pizza. It's not the most conventionally romantic thing in the world but it sure it is.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I hope you have a lovely time with your pizza - it sounds very romantic to me.

[big-daz.livejournal.com]

A happy Valentine's Day to you an'all.

You're not the only one who gets teh shudders when contemplating relationships- after the string of disasters that I've had, I'm sticking to beer..

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And yup, there's a lot to be said for a life of uncomplicated, undramatic singledom... :-)

[glennkenobi.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're a cold hearted beeyach... in fact quite the opposite. You seem quite bold, bright and brave from the chats and what I read, so I'm not sure why you have teh fear, but then I can be one to speak sometimes...

Anyway... happy Valentine's day and heres to cheering on the sidelines.... :-)

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Aw, bless you! Thanks, and here's to you too!

[ms-siobhan.livejournal.com]

"frankly the idea of being in a real relationship with another actual human being still gives me The Fear."

There are also lots of people who are too frigtened to be on their own and so spend their days being unhappy in unfulfilling relationships, and who think they have arrived as an adult because they have a partner they can do nothing but moan about.

I quite like valentines day - as you say its a good reminder though it is important to keep up the effort all year round. I do dislike the accompanying commercialism though.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

There are also lots of people who are too frightened to be on their own

This is true, and wise. Being single is definitely better than being in a bad relationship.

Hope you're having a better time from your stomach today!

[my-mundane-life.livejournal.com]

Happy V Day!
I like to use it as an excuse to do nice things for D (although our anniversary is 26th Jan so they're very close). This year I've bought beanbags and we never do cards - so not very V Day commercialised ;) Although I admit I did get a heart shaped candle on a heart shaped plate to put in the relaxation area I'm sorting today - oops! It's nice though :)

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

I thought you'd made Donna cards for something or other in the past? Maybe that was your anniversary. Anyway, have a lovely time with your beanbags!

[my-mundane-life.livejournal.com]

That's for birthdays and anniversaries, although I think we have occasionally done them for V Day, but a while ago and not any more :)

[thebiomechanoid.livejournal.com]

Well said, I agree totally.
Although...for the first time ever today I was with someone on Valentines day and celebrated it (as much as student budgets would allow) and after spending years dreading the thoughts of emotional participation, it's actually quite fun : D

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Cool - glad you are enjoying it!

[dadi.livejournal.com]

thank you for the wishes :) And I personally don't absolutely thin you are a cold hearted b eeatch.. you just haven't found THE RIGHT KITTY yet :)))

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

You're welcome - hope you get in lots of lovely Dan-snuggling today. As for that right kitty - it would certainly be nice if he / she was out there somewhere. I haven't totally lost hope. :-)

[swisstone.livejournal.com]

I was six years older than you are when I finally found mine, so there's still plenty of hope for you.

[dakegra.livejournal.com]

Happy Valentine's Day to you too!

I've just been amazed by a site one of my colleagues has just shown me, where they were charging twenty five quid for a *single* rose. Going up to £45 for a 'deluxe' rose.

plus £5.95 delivery.

hooyah. That's what I object to. I don't object to doing something nice for my beloved, or having a day to do such. She liked her little bunch of (significantly cheaper) roses from Asda and her hand-made card from EB, who is still young enough to do such things. He'd made sure that his rose picture was the same shade as the actual flowers too, to the point we had to print out several copies of the card until he got it *just* right.

It doesn't *have* to be all commercial. It's all about giving your loved one(s) a big cuddle.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Cor, yeah - that is commercialisation. But you're right - it doesn't have to be like that. A hand-made card can mean so much more, as EB clearly knows! Hope you have a cuddle-filled day.

[davesangel.livejournal.com]

I've just been amazed by a site one of my colleagues has just shown me, where they were charging twenty five quid for a *single* rose. Going up to £45 for a 'deluxe' rose.

Ugh, that's awful. I was quite interested to note that Tesco have been selling a bouquet of red roses (possibly a dozen, not sure) for 4.99, and that Asda beat them by selling the same arrangement for 4 quid. Which is pretty fab.

(unfortunately my work computer is strange and doesn't have a pound sign, so apologies for that...)

[dakegra.livejournal.com]

I went for the 4 quid Asda ones. They're little and quite nice. And you get 24 of them.

[ditzy-pole.livejournal.com]

You're not the only one possessing the fear. It's been so long since my last 'proper' one that I cannot imagine being any way other than single.... and thus I have spent a wonderful last few days being flu-ridden with the wonderful Mark Antony for company :o)

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Hey, there are worse ways to spend the time! (Well, apart from the flu, anyway).

[swisstone.livejournal.com]

That's the sweetest Valentine's day post I saw all day.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Hope you had a good one.

[weepingcross.livejournal.com]

Well said, Dr G. Of course the season is full of commercial nonsense, but then so are all our great modern observances - Halloween, Mother's Day, and, oh, that one that comes in December, slips my mind now. They all express perfectly admirable human needs and responses, and we can all do our bit to wrest them from the maw of international capital. I note that your forebear, the good Dr West, spent the feast of Blessed Valentine (Bp & Mr) copying out the serial numbers of banknotes, which seems to be taking things a bit far, though.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Hehe! To be fair to him, he wasn't totally oblivious to the occasion. Remember his little girl, Daisy, who was six years old that day? Well, check out her full name (http://jamesfraserwest.livejournal.com/284.html#cutid9). :-)

[ingenious76.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this post - I'm also in fear of being in a relationship with another human being. Its good to know I'm not alone!

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

You're welcome - and good to know I'm not alone in it, either!

[ingenious76.livejournal.com]

Its got to the point where most of my RL friends are either married or in long term relationships, and I sometimes feel like I'm the loner in Noah's Ark - everyone in twos! Then I think, am I wrong for not wanting that? No. What would be wrong is if I entwined myself with someone just to fit in. I like the odd dalliance, date, flirtation - but the prospect of commitment is something I don't want right now. Probably because its taken me seven years to get where I am career wise, and I want to give that my all.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Yeah, career is a big part of it for me, too. I really like my job, but it demands a big time commitment on my part if I am to do well in it. I'm just not sure how I could find the extra energy to fit someone else and their needs into my life as well.

[ingenious76.livejournal.com]

Snap! I get very bored with people assuming that teaching is a halcyon life of short days and long holidays...they never get that thats when I do work out of hours!

[robert-jones.livejournal.com]

I don't object to the commercialisation of Valentine's Day, I just struggle to see the point. You suggest that the purpose is "to remind ourselves communally of the value of loving others", but do we really need reminding of that? I also note that Valentine's Day, as generally and traditionally celebrated, is not about love in general, but about romantic love in particular. But we, as a society, already place an extraordinarily high value on romantic love, so a special day to celebrate it seems redundant.

Perhaps it's different if you celebrate it as a festival of Venus. From my own point of view, I'm unable to see it as having any genuine religious content and I disapprove (in a visceral rather than rational way) of secular festivals. They seem to somehow miss the point.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

Well, I agree that we already place a high value on romantic love, so yes - perhaps to say we need to be 'reminded' of that isn't quite the point. I think what I meant rather is that it seems sensible to me to have a special day for thinking about it, precisely because it is generally considered so important. That's what I see most public festivals as being about - highlighting and celebrating something of importance to the community. And I see that as a fundamentally religious act, whether the other people involved in the festival treat it that way or not.

[robert-jones.livejournal.com]

But it doesn't have any communal element (beyond that of the couple-community).

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

I'd see the mere fact that everyone is involved in marking it on the same day as enough to make it a communal festival. I take your point that the people involved don't all gather together in the same place, or do the same things as a group. But to me, lots of individual people doing similar things at the same time and for the same reason is also a communal act.